Posted by: Tricia | April 11, 2009

Our Loss, His Gain

Wednesday morning David joined me for my first visit to the midwives’ clinic.  We were excited, but nervous, to hear our baby’s heartbeat for the first time.  Eerily similar to our first pregnancy, our worst fears were confirmed when no heartbeat was found, and  a sonogram confirmed that our baby had, in fact, stopped developing many weeks ago.  For some reason my body stayed loyal to the pregnancy and never gave me any indication that things were not going as they should.  Because of this we opted to go ahead and have the D&C that evening.

Our hearts are sad, but we are still rejoicing because of the hope that God gives us.  Our hope isn’t in having another child or the perfect family…God doesn’t promise to give us any of those things.  He does promise that he loves us, and that will never change.  He promises us that he has a good plan for us…better than anything we could imagine… and that he will give us the strength to endure even the toughest times.

It is comforting to know that God is angered by death just as we are.  David’s brother, Luke, sent these encouraging words to us in the midst of our loss and they were a great comfort to us.


Psalm 6
4Turn, O LORD, deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love.
5For in death there is no remembrance of you;
in Sheol (the grave) who will give you praise?

Psalm 7
6 Arise, O LORD, in your anger;
lift yourself up against the fury of my enemies;
awake for me; you have appointed a judgment.

I remember the first one of these always bothering me.  If God put us in the land to shine out his glory into creation, then death is the ultimate silencing of God’s glory.  If I walk by a man, I might hear him making mention of his God to me, but if I walk by a man’s grave, I hear nothing.  In death there is no remembrance of God.  Praise doesn’t come out of graves.

So when people die, we complain to God, “This shouldn’t have happened!  What good is it for one of your people to die?!!!”

And God says, “You’re right, there’s no benefit in death.  It doesn’t make my glory bright.  I am angry at this loss!”

When we are angry at death, God rages with us.  We may say, “Arise, O LORD, in your anger,” and his ANGRY RESPONSE is Easter.  In Easter, God says, “I will NOT lose any of what is mine!”

Ps 16

9Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
10For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.


My sister-in-law, Krista, also spoke words of comfort to me by reminding me that our baby is in heaven with our first baby, and they will both be there to greet us when we arrive.  We can’t forget that the ultimate purpose of receiving and raising children is to create worshipers, regardless of how long we know them in this life.   All of us were created to be worshipers of God, and our children in heaven are doing just that.  They are perfect, happy, and whole, glorifying God.  What more could we hope for our children?  Even though we lost our child, we are blessed to have been a part of creating a person that brings glory to God.  So, our loss is still His gain.  And, that brings us comfort.

Thank you, to all of our friends and family who have been an encouragement to us during this time.  We feel the peace of God like a warm blanket wrapped around us and we are pressing on, hopeful for the future that he has for us.

Glory be to God!



  1. Oh Tricia! I wish I could hug you right now. I’m so sorry for your loss, my friend. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. I’m praying for you Tricia during this difficult time. I’m sorry for your loss but I want you to know that Your faith is amazing.

  3. Tricia, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. Know that you, David and Elliot are in my thoughts and prayers. I miss seeing your smiling face at BUMC. Take care of yourself.
    Leslie B.

  4. i’m so sorry to hear about your loss. we are thinking of you and your family during this time.

  5. What a beautiful witness you and your family are. I was brought to tears by your peace, grace, and love. Thank you for being a Godly example to all that you come in contact with. May the Lord Bless you!

  6. Tricia, I am so so sorry . I will keep you in my prayers. If you need anything at all don’t hesitate to call me. take care and keep in touch.

  7. Sweet friend, thank you for sharing your beautiful heart with us in the midst of your pain. God is glorified in the way you and David trust in Him.

    You will continue to be surrounded by our prayers. I love you and your family so very much!

  8. Tricia, what a sweet and inspiring response you have to such devastating news. I am so saddened to hear about the baby, You guys are in my prayers. Hang in there sweet friend!

  9. Tricia, I’m so sorry, we will be praying for you and David.

  10. David and Tricia,
    Grace and peace be with you in the fullest measure as you mourn the loss of your little loved one.

  11. I am so sorry!! Your faith and attitide continue to amaze me!

  12. Tricia and David, We have been praying for you continually since last week and this post makes my heart rejoice that you are turning to God through all of it.

    I have been thinking of you today while singing this song.

    “Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
    There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
    Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
    As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

    Great is Thy faithfulness!
    Great is Thy faithfulness!
    Morning by morning new mercies I see.
    All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
    Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

    Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
    Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
    Join with all nature in manifold witness
    To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

    Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
    Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
    Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
    Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!”

    We love you guys.

  13. Oh Tricia…I’m am so sad for you and your loss, but amazed by your faith. Please let me know if I can do anything for you and your sweet family. As always, you guys will be in our prayers.

  14. […] is good. God comforts. This week we learned that our baby was a boy and that he had a rare genetic disorder called Triploidy. Had he lived long enough to see […]

  15. […] 1 year ago today, we discovered that we lost you. Our hearts were broken.  We wanted to hold you and know you so badly. But, alas, we live in a fallen and broken world. We found comfort in your maker, our God, and our stronghold. For our flesh and our hearts may fail, but he is our strength and our portion forever. His promises give us hope…especially during this season when we remember and celebrate Christ’s resurrection and victory over death. […]

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